Background

My name is Mélise (sounds like “May-Lease”) and I am a Postdoctoral Researcher in the lab of Dr. Alex Pollen. My path to higher education has been very unorthodox and nonlinear; I’m grateful to have had such varied experiences shaping my perspectives, knowledge, goals, and approaches within and beyond higher education.

I am a biracial Black (multi-generational African American) and White French woman with many intersecting identities which inform the many privileges, successes, luck, and hardships I’ve known from a young age. My family includes many cultures and backgrounds, including African American, French, Ecuadorian, Congolese, Queer, Trans, low income, and disabled folks of every generation. I grew up in central and western North Carolina in rural areas—some of which had a lot of cultural and racial diversity, and other areas which had next to none. These early experiences often led me to feel grateful for diverse groups of people and yearn for more expansive ways of thinking and existing.

Initial experiences with higher education

Like many, I had a very hard time in school from a young age; I did not test well, was considered talkative, and being racialized as a biracial Black child meant that I was often disciplined disproportionately compared to my White or non-Black peers. Finding school untenable and highly carceral, I would often skip school as I got older and instead spent my time reading books in the mountains near my home. Whether Toni Morrison, James Baldwin, Khalil Gibran, EO Wilson, or Maya Angelou, I always felt most at home with authors who were sincere, sharp, compassionate, and committed to truth telling in a way our history books often failed to deliver. Reading outside of my work is still one of my favorite hobbies in addition to rock-climbing, weightlifting, and learning how to surf.

For many young scholars of color, higher education can sincerely affect one’s confidence and trust in learning institutions. Likely due to an array of my own privileges, luck, and unearned advantages (e.g., having lighter skin) I still chose to pursue higher education as a means to socioeconomic stability, to pursue a passion for science, and to teach/learn from students whose innovations will absolutely one day surpass my own. Science is such an incredible process and field with the ability to transform the way we view the world. However, the ability to pursue science is one that is often linked with socioeconomic status (e.g., race, class, etc.) After one year of working multiple jobs while completing my courses during my first year of undergrad, I dropped out due to lack of finances and poor grades. I spent the next year working 3 jobs (Kmart, bath and body works, family bookstore) and re-applied to Appalachian State University. Here, I got my bachelor’s degree in Evolutionary Biology & Ecology with a minor in French.

Post-bacc journey to graduate school

After college, I spent one year as a National Park Service intern studying hellbenders, flying squirrels, turtles, odonates, snakes, bats, and other unique species along the Blue Ridge Parkway. I later moved to Seattle, WA to work at a company who sponsored me as a climbing athlete, then at a primate research center as an Animal Technician. Finally, I made my way to the Allen Institute for Brain science where I accepted a position as an Animal Technician II; this job exposed to the field of neuroscience for the first time in my life. Although I had no idea what a PhD or master’s was at the time, I was completely transfixed by the field and the incredible work these scientists were doing. I was lucky to move into a research position at the Allen Institute the following year as a Research Associate doing cranial windowing surgeries for 2-photon imaging and animal behavior training. Another year later, I transitioned to a Lab Manager position at the VA Puget Sound to have even more ownership and involvement in research. Here, we studied the role of oxytocin in satiety and weight loss. This was an incredible yet demanding job that allowed me to be involved in every single aspect of the research; this experience gave me the confidence to pursue graduate school. In addition to working full time, I also competed as an internationally sponsored rock-climbing athlete, volunteered as a Board Member for Vertical Generation, and took the GRE and online courses to prepare for applying to graduate school.

Higher education as a tool—one that should be questioned and challenged in an unequal state

My graduate school experience in the northeast was another unorthodox experience reminding me of how [predominantly white] U.S. systems and institutions selectively support, encourage, retain, and include people whose work, identities, and ideas are not too threatening to the status quo. Paulo Freire once wrote about how higher education treats students as empty vessels for information, judging us on how meekly we “receive, memorize, and repeat” that information:

“The more students work at storing the deposits entrusted to them, the less they develop the critical consciousness which would result from their intervention in the world as transformers of that world. The more completely they accept the passive role imposed on them, the more they tend to simply adapt to the world as it is and to the fragmented view of reality deposited in them.”

Simply put, this “banking” strategy ensures that students are trained to be compliant more-so than critical thinkers; that trainees, educators, and even administrators are heavily rewarded when they silently preserve the status quo rather than challenge deeply unequal policies and systems; and that limiting the creative power of students (e.g., preventing students from learning about CRT) serves the interests of oppressive systems and forces. As an aspiring educator, it remains important for me to commit to learning and unlearning so that I do not follow in the footsteps of educators who unintentionally stifle critical thought and true education for future generations of learners.

I’m grateful for experiences which have shown me what institutions really prioritize (buffering their billion dollar endowment funds, maintaining the comfort of racially dominant peoples) and who these institutions have always primarily been for. It has freed me from feeling a need to participate or buy into the ideas of “meritocracy”, respect artificial hierarchies, or stay silent when Black and/or Native scholars face disproportionate hardship in academia. Instead, I allow myself to seek grassroots ways of building community outside of the academy (which is usually in the single digit percentages for Black folks domestically or internationally), find ways to build with and support some of the most severely underrepresented minorities (SURMs) on campus, and prioritize my own health, healing, education, service, growth, and relationships.

Advice for persisting in higher education for Black women and gender minorities

If I had advice for any other scholars considering a career in academia—especially Black and/or Indigenous women and gender minorities—I would say (1) please give yourselves a lot of grace while you navigate impossible standards and homogeneous environments marketed as “diverse” even while everyone can wear the same Fenty 100 foundation. You are doing the absolute best that you can and you’re not alone, no matter how lonely it will feel at times; (2) Find your people. There are amazing people out there who understand and want to support you and build with you; (3) Pursue knowledge and education outside of the classroom just as fervently as science inside the classroom or lab. There is a world of information we were never taught about in schools, like ongoing apartheids—from the USA to Palestine—and their dependence on imperialism, racism, and other forms of oppression. Our ignorance will absolutely affect our science, our work, and our colleagues.; (4) develop regulation tools as well as wellness practices and take them very seriously. The weathering of Black bodies in academia is a real phenomenon; (5) do not seek validation solely from a predominantly white and/or asian ivory tower; ground yourself in who you are outside of the academy.

Co-creating courses which center student learning, expansive education, & critical thought

Moving forward, I am excited to weave together the themes and ideas I’ve spent so much of my time studying, like Black Queer Feminism, neuroscience, ecology, evolution, Indigenous wisdom & relationship to marine mammals, historical context, and cetacean research. I am also interested in employing Appreciative inquiry and strengths-based practices into my classrooms, focusing on the positive learning experiences students have had in the past and asking what we want more of as a classroom. Knowing that standardized testing is not data-driven approach to learning, I am looking forward to learning from and with my students to design courses that reach more than one type of learning style. I have so much to learn and am grateful to have found supportive labs and communities who have helped me become the best version of myself. I wish this level of care, affirmation, and self actualization for everyone—especially Black women, gender minorities, Black queer, Black disabled, and/or Black trans people who rarely see people who look, think, and feel like we do in higher education and STEM fields more broadly.